by Ethan Johnson
September 22, 2008

Good old Mister Impossible. True story: I had to wait until I was 18 to get my driver's license. I had to have one to graduate high school, and due to a long story that I'll skip for now, rather than fight the school bureaucracy about credit that didn't seem to transfer with me between schools, I found the loophole of turning 18 before graduation. Solved! Anyway, I mention this because right out of high school, I got hired to make office supply deliveries. No pressure.

So it goes in the beer and wine world. I figured I had enough exposure to wine to do a reasonably competent job selling it. Naturally, I fell into a situation where most of the customers don't want wine, they want beer. And those that do buy wine buy jug wines and cannot be reasoned with. Smile and ask if they want a receipt. (More on that story some other time.)

Therefore, I have had to cram for the Beer Finals. Fortunately, this can be achieved to some extent by reading (lots and lots of reading), and choosing one's beers carefully to get a feel for the different styles. The key is that this exercise isn't about my likes and dislikes, but how to describe unfamiliar beers to the customers and possibly close the sale on something other than the usual suspects. But whatever sells, money is green, and ask if they want their receipt in the bag.

The other upside to beer exploration and appreciation is that for the most part, it is cheaper than wine exploration/appreciation. Inside of a week, I discovered that if all else fails, recommend Hefeweizen to the uninitiated. My co-workers look upon me with disgust, but money is green. But more seriously, it's a good entry-level beer for those who want to reach beyond the usual suspects.

1. Pyramid Hefeweizen (no photo available at press time)

Well, of course I ordered this on tap at a wine bar. Doesn't everybody?

The wine selection by the glass was pretty sad at this particular restaurant, and a glass of beer on tap runs cheaper than a glass of wine for more product by volume, minus the need for the initial pour, swirl + sniff, and all of that ritual. Beer appreciation has its own ritual, which I will have to discuss in a future installment.

Anyway, this incarnation of Hefeweizen (wheat beer) was less marshmallowy than the Shiner version. Still cloudy and full of what was probably orange rind. Nice and smooth with a little bitterness. Mar tasted it, expecting to hate it, and was surprised to learn it tasted (to her) like cider, with a beeriness about it that cider lacks. I didn't get a cider vibe, but either way, I like the smoothness and light bitterness on the edges. One for the "to try" list if you're unsure about getting into beer but don't want Bud, Miller, and so on.

2. Saint Arnold Oktoberfest (Seasonal)

I poured a mug of this the other day, and got a little teary thinking about Up North. This is what I called an "autumnal" beer. One sip and you're reminded of places that have seasons, plural. I thought about turning leaves, college football, crunching along through the woods, chilly evenings, and comfort food.

I don't know how representative of the genre this beer might be, but as an introduction this did well. More bitter than Hefeweizen but not obnoxiously so. I'd definitely like to try some other Oktoberfest-style beers before they vanish.

3. Flensburger Dunkel (German Dark Wheat Beer)

After reading up on various beer styles and countries of origin, my fancy book learnin' got put to the test by a customer that preferred dark beers but was going to be outdoors at a sun-soaked picnic. He wanted something "light" but not say, Bud Light. He wanted something "else". Naturally, I loaded him up with Shiner Hefeweizen. I left the door open to try some other brand or style, but the customer agreed that wheat beer would be good in the sun, and he wanted an excuse to try it. But since he liked dark beers, I recommended this here Dunkel. In theory, it should pour dark, but drink light. You can use that line if you want to.

That night, I bought one for myself to check my answers. I am here to say that yes, I nailed it. Nicely dark without being inky black. Verrry foamy on the pour. I didn't sniff it (whoops) but the initial taste was very malty due to the foam. The foam fell pancake flat shortly thereafter, but as for the beer itself, well, it poured dark but drank light. Lightly bitter, very satisfying without feeling like you're drinking cement. Under 5% ABV at that. I'd have another.

4. Shiner Bohemian Black (Black Lager)

One thing is certain: You can't throw a rock in our store without... uh, getting fired or banned. Okay, well, two things: You'd probably hit a Shiner product. They've been brewing up other stuff besides Shiner Bock. This is yet another example.

The beer label struck me as very Jack Daniels-ish. I wouldn't be surprised if they're selling logo t-shirts for this. But since you can't drink design, what about the beer, man?

Well, very dark. It was somewhat cola-ish, except sharp and bitter as I would expect from a domestic lager. Heck, maybe all lagers are sharp and bitter, but domestics have their reputation, deserved or otherwise. Mmm, it looks cool, and you might even feel cool drinking this, but I kinda found it to be a coffee-table beer that serves as a conversation piece but isn't Shiner's gift to beer-dom. I'll have to try other blacks sometime to get a feel for where Shiner's offering ranks. For what it's worth, the people who have been buying it seem focused on their task, whereas undecided voters are attracted to the label design but shrug it off after contemplating the sale.

5. St. Peter's Cream Stout (English Stout)

When I was loading up on Random Beers early on in my employment at the beer and wine store, my English soccer pal and now co-worker recommended that I drink the "real deal" straight outta England. I set it aside in the fridge for about a week because I was too intimidated to get that hardcore - if "hardcore" can be said about a cream stout.

Since Sam Adams makes a cream stout (as yet untested by me), I was expecting something "fluffier" I guess. Whew. Very heavy duty. I don't mean it was an alcohol mallet. I mean it was really substantial, and not entered into lightly. Lemme put this in wine terms: You, as a novice wine drinker, don't "just" pour a glass of Barolo and slosh it down. And if you do, you probably shouldn't be drinking wine. I felt like I had to be born into a country that drinks this stuff to really "get it". I'm sure that over time, I might get a firmer grasp on the taste and finer nuances, but as of today, I'm just not ready for that experience. I only finished half a pint after considerable effort.

This doesn't mean it is "bad". It just means that I got too far ahead of myself, but I was warned when I bought it that it might be too much too soon. Maybe I'll start simple with that Sam Adams version and work my way up the ladder.

I will eventually work my way up to reviewing individual beers using some sort of static methodology, similar (yet different) to my wine reviews. Or maybe this "few beers at a time" approach is more practical. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts via email or comments.

I am continually amazed at the scope and breadth of beer production worldwide. Like wine, there are many to choose from and lots to learn about. Onward to adventure! <EM>

(The Adventures in Beer index may be found here.)